A Lack In Clairvoyance
by Sanjuku
Summary: No malevolent spirit had ever done worse. Izuo, AU; giftfic. Rated for language.


"Ah, the mountain air is so fresh…chasing away the horrid scent of the beast behind me…"

The 'beast' in question growled at the implication, but settled quickly. Shinra had carefully instructed him that this was an important mountain to the people of Japan and that it was not a good idea to use its natural aspects in order to kill someone. Besides, maybe the bastard waltzing around ahead of him would somehow trip and smash his head on the rocks?

Shizuo liked that possibility. But first:

"Why do I have to carry all the equipment?"

Izaya, walking a good ways in front of Shizuo, stopped and turned around. "Because you're stronger, of course. And I'm carrying the map, aren't I? Stop whining and hurry up, Shizu-chan."

Frowning as Izaya pivoted away to examine their map yet again, Shizuo muttered: "Map weighs two fuckin' ounces, flea." He'd never agreed to be the pack mule, and to be looked down on like this-

"What was that, Shizu-chan? Hurry it up!"

"Shut the fuck up!" The blonde called back furiously, anger quickening his step. Climbing up a mountain with his most hated person offered Shizuo a plethora of sweet temptations: one being to pluck the flea up and throw him down the damn thing.

Izaya smiled in a pleased, knowing way. "You know, if you hadn't been so stubborn, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"I requested this place first, louse," growled Shizuo in defense.

"What about a haunted temple full of kitsune interests you, I wonder? Are you hoping that there will be oddities that are just as monstrous as you?"

"Fuck you!"

"So eloquent today, Shizu-chan."

"Why'd you even join a paranormal investigation society in the first place? Thought you were just interested in people," grumbled Shizuo murderously.

Izaya hummed merrily in reply, vaulting himself lightly over a medium-sized rock in his path. "The reactions of humans who believe in the unknown when they find something or when they find nothing are quite entertaining, you know?"

"Shoulda known it was something like that."

"You seem disappointed," Izaya said, sounding sorry but yet not sorry at all.

Shizuo's frown deepened and he hoisted the straps of the pack he was in charge of transporting higher up on his shoulders. He'd just joined the society about a month ago, on the pleading request of his friend Shinra (since the doctor's girlfriend had been scared half to death just by hearing the word 'paranormal'), but...he hadn't anticipated dealing with this complete _ass_ who seemed a little _too_enamored with the human race. He'd disliked Izaya from the moment he first caught sight of that gaudy fur coat, and so far, he hadn't been proven wrong about this impression. Something about the other man just made him feel...weird. Shizuo didn't like it. "We almost there?"

"Yes, just a little farther up. It's a good thing I'm such an exquisite navigator. You would have gotten us so lost."

Barely able to force himself to ignore the cocky jibe, Shizuo squinted up through the leafy trees, trying to catch a glimpse of the temple they were going to. Something brightly colored flashed through the branches, wearing a grin-but Shizuo, too busy in his return to glaring at Izaya's back as he stopped suddenly, completely missed it. "Hey! Keep moving!"

"Shizu-chan," Izaya spoke in a wry tone, "look. It's right there." He pointed.

And Shizuo saw it was so; the temple was made of some sort of firetruck-red material and yet almost blended in to the scenery. Whoever had built this thing had really wanted to be close to nature. It helped that lengthy vines, shrubs that looked vibrantly alive and frequent chartreuse ferns layered the walls, sticking out from cracks and niches like flags and banners begging _I'm here, I'm here._Shinra would have loved this.

Shizuo just thought the whole thing was fuckin' creepy.

"Right!" said Izaya cheerfully, folding up the map and stuffing it into a pocket, "I'll go in first."

"Go right ahead," Shizuo agreed.

"Aww. Is Shizu-chan scared?"

"No," Shizuo's eyebrows furrowed in answer to Izaya's mocking tone and teasing, narrowed brown eyes.

"Really? Why don't you prove it?"

"Alright, I will!" Huffing indignantly, Shizuo pushed past the shorter male, knocking shoulders with him in a brief and accidental contact before he paused. "...how do I get in?"

"Entryway's right there, you protozoan."

"Shut up, I saw it."

"Of course," Izaya's sugary tone oozed scorn for the stronger male, and once again, Shizuo had to resist the urge to swipe something from his surroundings to toss in the parasite's face.

If _only._

As it was, he tentatively pushed aside some of the overgrowth blocking the near completely covered entrance, examining the interior before he walked in. Izaya gave a contemptuous snort behind him. Scowling in irritation, Shizuo made to take a careful step...

And promptly tripped and faceplanted into a wooden flooring.

Izaya burst into insane cackling, moving forward and hopping gently over Shizuo's body. Growling none-too-kindly, Shizuo leapt up and grabbed the misguided philanthropist by the back of his hood, spinning him around to face him. "You tripped me," he seethed.

Izaya's eyebrows went up innocently. "I did not."

"Like hell you didn't! It felt like I tripped over someone's foot and you're the only one around!"

The color and the grin from before repeated-only now they were joined by another mischievous leer. Shizuo and Izaya glared into each others' mocha eyes, and the abnormalty went ignored yet again. "Well, Shizu-chan," sneered Izaya, "you forget that this place is supposedly haunted by kitsune, so perhaps they're playing jokes on you already?"

"That's just an excuse!" Nonetheless, Shizuo reluctantly unhanded Izaya, glancing around himself warily. This gesture did not go unnoticed by his partner.

"Really, Shizu-chan, if you're so afraid, why did you even come here? There are plenty of places to go searching for the supernatural."

"I've never been to the mountains, and everywhere else seemed boring. Only problem is that it got me stuck with _you_."

"Always a flatterer. Well, Erika-chan wouldn't have let you go alone, so you have me and I am unfortunately somehow always paired with you," Izaya stated matter-of-factly. It wasn't a comforting thought. "Now, are we going to stand here all day and night with our foreheads touching?"

Flushing as he realized how _close_he'd managed to push their faces together (when had that happened?), Shizuo stepped back with a rumbling sound that sounded as something akin to a wild animal. "Whatever, let's just set up our shit!" The blonde proceeded to throw himself down where he stood and unzip the backpack he'd been responsible for, searching through it for who-knows-what.

"You're so jumpy," Izaya sighed, sounding as if he were in charge of a small child that no adult was particularly fond of but all pretended to be, "We're going to be here all night, so you'll just have to be brave, and...oh. I forgot that it's Shizu-chan that I'm talking to."

"Go to hell!"

"You know, sometimes I wonder if you possess any other lexicon besides curse words. Though, I suppose that foul language is fitting for a beast such as yourself."

"...Izaya, where'd the food go?"

"Food?"

"Yeah. You know, stuff we were supposed to eat tonight."

"Oh, hush. What do you mean, 'where's the food?', Shizu-chan?"

"I mean _where's the food_, louse." Shizuo grit his teeth together in an effort to places strictures on his swelling annoyance. "Did you steal it when I wasn't looking?" he demanded, rummaging through the pack that held their supplies for a second time.

"Why would I do that?" inquired Izaya dryly. He let his stare roam freely about their lodgings for the night. "But hey, this place is really small! It looks like there's only one room."

"You're more interested in how big this fucking temple thing is than the fact that we ain't gonna eat tonight?" Shizuo deadpanned, setting the backpack aside.

"It's always beneficial to examine your surroundings," Izaya said reasonably, "but I suppose it makes sense for a brute like you to only be concerned about things such as food. Oh, but did you know? Apparently kitsune are notorious tricksters who find special delight in stealing meals."

Shizuo shifted uncomfortably. "...You talk too much."

"You _are_afraid, aren't you?" Chortling, Izaya trailed a hand lazily across the walls, feeling the smoothness beneath his fingers. "You're a beast with superhuman strength. Why are you terrified of things that go bump in the night, hmm?"

"I'm not _terrified_, just-nervous! Fuck!" Shizuo cursed, crossing his arms with fists clenched. When you really disliked someone, _everything_ they said just made you want to smash their face in. Especially when Izaya said it in that _voice_. It pissed him off.

"Hey, Shizu-chan, come over here for a second," Izaya beckoned, as if it pained him to do so. Shizuo grumbled to himself and obeyed the call, going to stand next to the bastard.

"Well?"

"No need to growl in my ear, though I'm sure the girls absolutely swoon at that-put your weight where I'm standing." Shizuo ignored the sarcastic statement involving chicks and curiously did as he was told, frowning as he realized it felt different under his feet than the floor had before. "I'm sure you're able to pull the floorboard up, Shizu-chan?"

"Course I can," griped Shizuo, glowering. What did the louse take him for, anyways?

"Just checking," Izaya said mildly, stepping back and safely out of the way. Shizuo had to resist the urge to 'accidentally' smack Izaya somewhere the sun didn't shine (then again, he always had to push away that particular thought) while digging his fingers in at the sides of the wood, yanking the object free with a _crunch_of finality.

He stood back to peruse his handiwork; there was now a rectangular hole in the floor. "Didn't do shit, flea."

"Take out that one," Izaya directed, indicating with a confident pointer finger, and then swung it around to point at the other board beside the new opening. "And that one after."

Shizuo took a calming breath though his nose, not liking being ordered around by his adversary _one bit_. But...he had to admit that he _was_ interested. He comforted himself with the thought that if Izaya got too demanding he could just push him through the gap he was creating as he obeyed, grunting with effort and tossing the twin planks off into some corner of the formerly assumed-to-be-tiny temple.

The pair stared down into the darkness-there was a rather persuading rope ladder protruding from rather conspicuously unstable nails fixed into the decrepit dirt.

"I ain't going down that thing."

"What, just because it might fall? Really, Shizu-chan. I was well aware that you were a monster, but I didn't know that you were a baby as well. Then, you can stay up here alone and guard what you haven't seemed to misplace."

"I didn't lose the damn food!"

"Of course," Izaya said agreeably, already nimbly adjusting his weight on the ladder. Shizuo watched with ill disguised unrest; even if it was the flea on the ladder, he didn't want to see someone fall from the thing.

He realized abruptly: "You ain't gonna take one of those sensor things?"

"The existence of kitsune would imply that there is a God, and there is no God. Thus, kitsune do not exist. We won't find any here," explained Izaya with oozing surety.

"…you sure?"

"I don't know which is more annoying, you being a angry or you being a coward."

He couldn't see Izaya now, the top of his head having disappeared into darkness. Swallowing hard, Shizuo announced, "I'm going with you."

"Oh, great. Grab a flashlight, then."

Their outlines were indistinct in the dim light, until their flashlights were flicked on; the underside of the temple didn't receive any of the residual light from the setting sun outside, and while this was to be expected, it _still_ managed to make Shizuo antsy. It seemed as if this were a series of tunnels, the area they had just come from being the only point of entry.

The channels forked into two paths.

"Let's split up," Izaya offered, "I don't really fancy the prospect of having to stick close to you."

Nodding, Shizuo reflected that he didn't particularly want to be close to the flea in the dark, either. The thought gave him a weird queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. His disgust for Izaya could even be physical, it was that strong. Though, he had to admit that _maybe_ he would have rather had some company, watching Izaya turn the corner into the left tunnel. Whatever the bastard said, Shizuo couldn't shake the niggling intuition that something else was here with them.

He wondered what he was supposed to be looking for. Izaya obviously wasn't expecting to find anything they had _actually_ come here searching for, so maybe he was only exploring out of a general curiosity? That meant that he didn't _have _to go if he didn't want to. Nevertheless, Shizuo found his feet moving to the right, veering into another passageway and flinging the beam of his flashlight around vigorously…just in case.

He must have been walking for around ten or twenty minutes (there was no worry about getting lost, because the tunnels never branched off from a single trail) when suddenly his light source swept across bright brown eyes.

"Shit, Izaya," he breathed after his heart rate calmed, "Don't fuckin' scare me like that." The dark-haired man merely grinned; for once, he didn't say anything. That was odd, but not unwelcome, in Shizuo's book. His smile was a little more foxlike than usual, standing out against the dark soil behind him, stating clearly that he was _planning_ something. "What're you-" Shizuo started suspiciously. He never finished, because was it just him or was Izaya giving him _bedroom eyes?_ Breathing out shakily, Shizuo took a step back as Izaya took a step forward. "Hey, what's wrong with you? Flea!"

Shit, he knew Izaya travelled fast, but somehow he was forced to press his back against the wall if he wanted to keep the bastard in front of him. It'd seemed like he'd just-teleported, or something. But that was crazy and he did it all the time anyways, so the only thing off to Shizuo remained in the way Izaya _slunk _forwards, eyes glittering with promises of good-humored mischief, reaching out a hand to place it daintily upon Shizuo's chest, where it moved lightly up and down with the blonde's panicked breathing. Seriously, he knew Izaya liked to joke around, but this was just…weird. Shitshitshit-

Had he been paying attention to the exact _shape_ of Izaya's teeth rather than the way the other man came close to slightly drag them over Shizuo's neck (alright, seriously, _what the fuck_), the mock investigator would have noticed that it was almost like a vampire, or an _animal_, the way two in the front seemed more like _fangs_ than _human_ teeth. As it was, he was more concerned that Izaya's actions had coaxed a begrudging shudder from his taller frame, because _no, _Izaya was not alluring in any way_, _and Shizuo had no idea why girls liked the other man so much-a tongue flicked over the fluttery beating of his pulse-and he still, _still_ had no idea what the hell was going on, and if Izaya kept doing that he'd be forced to bang him against the wall-and that had come out terribly, terribly wrong.

But, just as quickly as it started, Izaya pulled away with an amicable leer, leaving a shimmering sheen of saliva and a few minute marks from those _teeth_, and then twirled to a bend in the tunnel and disappeared around the corner.

Shizuo tried to convince himself that the experience had intrigued him, hadn't been relieving in a way. Izaya seemed awfully skilled with that tongue, didn't he? He _did_ have a certain way of playing with words…

"Shizu-chan, there you are."

The blonde's head whipped around to stare at the returning Izaya, wondering why it sounded like he'd just come across him. "Huh?"

"I found this room, but the door just so happens to be locked and I can't get it open, and admittedly breaking doors down is your area of expertise. Why are you looking at me like I just killed your firstborn?"

"What the fuck was that just now?" Shizuo demanded harshly. He moved to stand in front of Izaya just as a black eyebrow rose, illuminated by the light of the yellow flashlight Shizuo had created cracks in during the shock of…_that_.

"Stop shining that thing in my eyes, you brute. What are you even talking about?"

Shizuo yanked Izaya up by the collar, dangling the other in the air haphazardly. "You just put the moves on me!"

"Why on earth would I want to do that? I think you're hallucinating."

"You came onto me, don't try to hide it!"

"Right," Izaya said, utterly sardonic, "and I've also been hiding my addiction to small stuffed animals and the fact that cats make me so happy that I cry. I just want to hug them all, Shizu-chan, every time I think about all of the cats that don't have homes," he sang obnoxiously, not worried about the welfare of his stretching coat at all. It was a sturdy thing.

"Don't fuck with me-"

"I really would appreciate you putting a stop on all this cursing; it makes you even more a beast when you speak the part. Ayways, I would also appreciate you putting me down so you can break down a door for me." Izaya's voice was icy, and Shizuo grasped vaguely that the informant was actually _offended_ at what he was being accused of.

He knew that the flea had done it, though, because he was a good actor just like Kasuka (Shizuo's little brother had just recently made it big) and could easily be faking his innocence. In fact, he probably was. With a snort, the blonde released his 'partner' and asked roughly, "Alright, where's this door thing?"

"Right around this way, Shizu-chan. Also, it's not very kind to say that someone tried to molest you when you were the one coming on to them."

"What?"

"I didn't even touch you, so you were the one 'putting the moves' on me."

"…you fuckin' licked my neck!"

"Ah, ah, what did I say about cursing? And I seem to recall that it was you who basically got on your knees in front of me and then ran."

"Just lead me to this door, I'm tired of your shit," Shizuo snarled, obviously itching to punch something.

Izaya appeared to figure that avoiding Shizuo's rage was more beneficial than carrying on the topic. "It's not too far from here." And really, it wasn't (maybe just a few feet), but every inch of being next to Izaya and remembering those _teeth_ made it seem like a mile.

After kicking down the aforementioned wooden blockade, Shizuo let Izaya venture inside first (after all, who knew what was in there?) and then followed close behind, glancing around what he could see of the chamber inside with the luminance given off by their flashlights. There wasn't much, just some boxes and a bed and…

"Izaya, why the hell is there a naked lady in here?"

"I don't understand," the woman said, voice melodic and pleasant to listen to from where she reclined, "You weren't supposed to come together. Which one of you am I supposed to pick?"

"I don't know, Shizu-chan," came Izaya's clipped reply, and his sense of self-preservation must not have been long lasting because the next words out of his mouth were: "Maybe she's going to lick your neck."

And finally, finally, Shizuo let himself issue a deep, primal, _heated_ growl, and the unexplained female went ignored as Izaya's mahogany eyes narrowed in challenge and then he _ran_, fleeing from the room as a roar battered his ears where fists could not, not while he was dancing away, laughing frenetically while Shizuo tumbled after him, just barely remembering that he was not supposed to let his blows smack the wall because they were in a temple and not in Ikebukuro, where a greater deity would not get pissed at him for destroying a building or two.

The fox woman stared after them in shock, sighed, and then shook her head, settling back down for another long wait-hoping that, one day, she would stop attracting only females and duos of sexually charged males to her temple.

:

"-and then Shizu-chan tried to kill me," concluded Izaya with a pointed glare at the man meant to be his partner. Erika appeared disappointed.

"That's _all_ you did?"

"Yeah," Shizuo grumbled, crossing his arms, "Didn't see any kitsune or nothing."

"No! I mean, you were in the dark…alone…and you didn't do _anything?_"

"The hell are you talking-"

"Erika-chan," Izaya said understandingly, "I'm sorry, but you'll just have to accept that I find no attraction to Shizu-chan. In fact, he disgusts me."

"Hey-!"

"Not at all?" Erika pressed mournfully, "Not even his hair, or his muscles, or anything?"

"Well…" Izaya sat back as he mused, a smirk toying at his lips, "I _did_ actually like it when he got down on his knees. It was so submissive."

Heads turned as the screeching scrape of a chair sliding back sounded throughout the society, signaling that Shizuo was less than pleased with such statements. "I didn't even-!"

"He got down on his knees?" Erika asked, looking considerably more energetic, "Was it consensual? Did he try to _start_ anything?"

"You-!"

"Oh, it was definitely consensual. He looked so eager…I actually wouldn't mind if he did it again," Izaya confided, eyes glittering cruelly in Shizuo's direction.

"I would never-"

"How would you two like to go investigate another temple, this time on that mountain in-"

"Can I finish _one_ damn thing I say?"

"Language, Shizu-chan!"

"You shut your mouth; this is all your fuckin' fault, I should just rip you limb from limb-"

Chaos, as the members of the paranormal investigative society had learned since the two had first clashed, did not come in the form of the unknown-but in the form of two grown men with a tendency to demolish everything within a five-mile radius.

No malevolent spirit had ever done worse.

:::::

_So! This was a present for the bestest person ever, __**Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue-**__. Seriously, go check out her fics-simply amazing. *^* _

_I hope you enjoyed, darling~. I get the feeling I kind of went off from your request a little, but hopefully it was still entertaining? :'D Again, I don't know much about kitsune, but with any luck my filled in gaps weren't too distracting~._


End file.
